Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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