Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i wish my penis had a tongue
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
