Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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