My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I supernannyed him into submission
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
as a side note pls kill me
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
