Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
