Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
