she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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