I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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