dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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