Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
