I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
