Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
