He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
