In America we eat man semen.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
