i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
