Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
