connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
