the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
