My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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