I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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