Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The beer is more important than you right now.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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