the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
