Betty ford says i'm here all night
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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