After last night, I could never be a politician.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
