Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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