actually, I'm a sock model
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
