I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
