6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
