We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
