I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
