i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
