You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
