dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
