we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
