Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize