Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
