Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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