Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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