My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
