I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
