I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
