So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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