Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
