im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
