Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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