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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.

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• (408): View more from California

  ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me

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• (660): View more from Missouri

  My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?

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• (210): View more from Texas

  I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers

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• (727): View more from Florida

  I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.

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