She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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