Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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