Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
