you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
