I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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