dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
