No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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