I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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