i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Less talking, more tequila
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize