My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
