I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
