dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
