k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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