Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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