It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize