One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
