Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
