It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
