dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
