Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
