All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
