I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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