areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
