we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
