Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The best revenge is premature balding
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
