is your mom at the bar?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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