i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
