foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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