Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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