Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
