three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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