Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
