Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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