I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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