So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
third nipple confirmed
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
