U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
