I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
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