She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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