Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
