so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
