Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
