I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
