She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize