I feel like abortions should bother me more
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
In America we eat man semen.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize