i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
