Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
