remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
