that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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