So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
