Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize