went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
