Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i now understand why vodka
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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