Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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