I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
