Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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