what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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