He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
