oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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