i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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