Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
